On Wintering
/As I write this, I watch a herd of deer outside, making their way up the ridge, walking slowly through the snow nibbling on evergreens. Sounds idyllic and peaceful right? But zoom out a bit and you’ll see a ginormous snowman that is starting to resemble a certain famous leaning tower, several snow shovels and sleds askew, and plastic Adirondack chairs strewn haphazardly around the yard…and kids storming irritably inside, frustrated because one wrecked the other’s snow fort. The mudroom floor hasn’t been seen in days-and the smell of wet wool coupled with soccer cleats and teen basketball shoes is…interesting…to say the least. The infamous Michigan gray has set in for about a week now and there is no discernable sunshine in the forecast.
You see, we are no longer in fun holiday winter (jingle bells!) nor are we in early winter mode (first snowball fight!). We are now in what I call Deep Winter. We are a good 5 weeks post-Winter Solstice, and a good 7 weeks out from the Spring Equinox. It doesn’t matter to me what any groundhog declares, it is late January in Michigan and we are officially playing the long game.
I’ve lived outside Ann Arbor, MI now for almost 12 years and while winter will never come naturally to me as some other seasons, I’ve come to really appreciate, enjoy and yes, even crave winter. Whether you are a southern transplant to the north, a lifelong northerner, or a current southerner who abhors the cold, I hope that some of these tips/reflections can be encouraging to you.
And first caveat: I live in a home where I have food/heat security so this is more about mentally handling winter than physically doing it and I absolutely recognize that privilege (and hope others do so as it’s sobering to see how many do not have those basic needs met). Second caveat: depending on where you are geographically some tips may be more applicable to you than others.
Background: I grew up in Atlanta to Argentine parents, I didn’t ski until my mid-20s in NC and while I went to college in Boston, I didn’t have a car during my time there, so I had never driven in the snow until I moved to MI in my 30s. Thus, I was pretty much a winter novice when we moved to MI in 2012 with a 2-year-old and 6-month-old in tow.
A few things that have helped me in my winter journey:
Reframe: Where I am, winter is NOT the month of December and that was hard for me as growing up, it was sort of like a 6-8 week deal mainly centered around the holidays. I realize now that I subconsciously grew up with a ‘wait it out’ winter attitude and probably absorbed the general southerner’s negativity to the cold. No judgement-it just is what it is! And even in college in Boston I could hibernate in dorms, libraries, and not worry who would be shoveling the sidewalk or getting the groceries (4 year on-campus meal plan!). But when you have to do daily life with the potential of cold/snow from Nov-April, you can’t hibernate!
So again, realizing you are playing the long game here helps. This isn’t a cozy winter weekend lodge mentality. It’s more like: be ready for snowy fun, but also to be ready to grin and bear it and realize that at some point, you’ll be at Costco with 3 kids in tow gripping onto the cart handle for dear life in a snowy parking lot. As my Philadelphia brother-in-law always say: it’s time to dig deep. Literally!
Gratitude journaling is always helpful with reframing. It’s not to say you can’t vent or be frustrated by the weather, but all research points to the correlation between gratitude and mental health. Some deep winter days I’m literally very grateful for the splash of red that a cardinal brings against a white/grey background…or that pines provide a lush green all year!
Get your gear: I was highly unprepared for the variety of winter gear needed-some of it takes a few years of living it out but know that you will need a variety of boots (Hunter boots for rain, snowmelt, higher/fur lined boots for snow play/skiing, Ugg-type boots for running errands, etc). I learned to have a variety of gloves on hand (driving gloves are different than puffy ski gloves and I love fingerless ones) and fun knitted hats (I love a good pom-pom one) help to accessorize when no one is really going to sweet your cute sweater! Not to mention a variety of fleeces (light ones versus puffy thick ones), vests (again, sports ones versus nicer ones for work), etc. The key is warmth but also variety. You quickly learn that dressing for 38-degree winter weather is very different than 2-degree winter weather! And days that you are running around with errands, sports, are different than when you are giving a presentation for work, etc.
And don’t forget your kids! I never knew they made snowbibs for kids as young as 18 months but once they can stand and walk independently, they are a game changer!
Slippers and slipper socks are also key! I have two pairs I adore (one from Lands End and a sherpa lined one from Sketchers for even colder days). If my feet are cold, my entire body is cold so it’s worth it! I also learned to invest in thick wool socks when I lived in London. Also, my British friends and Argentine mama swear by hot water bottle warmers to put by their feet before they got in bed, I don’t use one but I do have one that my mom uses for when she visits! And even if I go to a friends house, I tuck my slippers in my bag and I have a few on hand for when friends visit too. Hardwood floors are lovely, but not the warmest!
Get outside! Covid actually forced my hand here. Prior to that, we’d been in MI for 7 years and in that time my kids had been babies and later gave birth to another, so it was a bit easier to be in that hunker down mode for winter. Two of those years were the intense polar vortex years and it was truly freezing even for southern MI-- frostbite warnings hit different when you have a newborn, and preschoolers who constantly lose their hats and mittens. But as they got older and temps evened out, snow became much more fun as they could expend their energy outside and get their gear on themselves. But honestly often I’d watch from the window, making hot cocoa while they sledded or played with their dad.
Enter Covid. Our state was quite conservative on lockdowns so the only way to see friends was to meet up outside for a walk or grab coffee to go since all the restaurants were doing take-out only. My husband was baffled to see me happily shimmy into long underwear, snowpants, etc. to ‘go meet so and so for a walk’. Something I never did before but being home with the kids all day (again, this was Covid so nothing else was going!) and needing some more adult interaction for my mental health meant that I really didn’t care about the temperature anymore, I needed to get out and see people! I found that once I had the proper gear on and got moving, I really needed the fresh air as well! It was empowering and I got used to so many ‘walks and talks’ with friends and not only did it get me through that difficult season, but it taught me that winter could be enjoyable! I learned not to be scared of negative temps (windchill is a different story) and if the kids call me out to night sled (a fun tradition of ours), to grab my headlamp and sled because not only will they not always be here for this, but it’s fun to get that fresh air and get outside on a beautiful snowy evening!
We also began to take advantage of many family events that have moved outside. Winter Wolf Hikes, Full Moon Hikes, Solstice Lantern walks, we did them all and some of them have continued to do so! So check out your local parks/rec if you are in a northern state as many offer them and they are usually free or very affordable.
And some days it’s just hard to get outside. Freezing rain is zero fun for anyone. I gifted myself a walking pad this year for this very reason, I am for 2-3 miles a day and obviously I prefer to do that outside but when I cannot, this small walking pad has been amazing!
Get your hygge on: Okay Natalie, but what about those grey rainy days? This is when hot tea, books, movie, etc work their magic. I start early in the fall collecting fun herbal teas (from Trader Joe’s to HomeGoods, you can find interesting flavors) b/c while hot cocoa is fun, you just can’t do it everyday, nor do you want that much sugar in winter when your body is already working hard to keep it’s immune system strong! And anything by the fire is so much more cozy and if you don’t have a fireplace, invest in flameless lanterns!
And you all know I love to read or else I wouldn’t be here! There are fabulous picture books for winter for kids and some of my favorite books have been set in snowy climates too! Head to IG and check out the hashtag: #livingbythepage_winter for more!
Growing up in ATL, summer was the time to see movies as if you aren’t in the pool, there isn’t much else to do in the humidity. But I had to shift that thinking as here, winter is our movie season as the summers here are glorious and you CAN do a lot outside! I keep a running list on my phone throughout the year of movies or series we want to see so if we want to do anything apart from Friday movie night, we’re ready.
Whether you have kids in school or homeschool, you will experience a snow day in some capacity! Sometimes it’s due to snowfall, but more often it’s due to icy roads. So on those days, it’s fun to have something novel to do. One year we did a Narnia movie marathon, when they were little it was back-to-back Disney. Either way, it’s a fun time to let go of screen time expectations a bit.
And this is where audiobooks come in! I love having some handicrafts on hand (see post here) and they can do something while they lounge fireside and listen. We also love Ruby Reads read aloud posters for days like this! Or invest in board games. We are TV free Mon-Thurs (again, different when they were toddlers and I needed Little Bear for 20 min to just get dinner on!) so they know not to ask about it and are good about getting out a board game, puzzle or activity after dinner. And now that they are older, we often have sports and extracurriculars like theatre.
And a note on that: for years I was very protective about evening activities, and I am very grateful for the time that I ‘gate-kept’ as we cultivated many memories and bonded as a family. But winter here does not stop for older kids and sports, etc. are full throttle! I’m actually grateful for that as it helps kids mental health when they are active physically and are within community. (Def invest in a local youth group too if you have tweens/teens as the youth leaders are good at coming up with creative events during wintertime!)
Nutrition: I’m asked a lot about lack of energy in the winter and besides movement, get your supplements on and nutrition on! It’s just a non-negotiable. I am not going to dole out medical advice, but winter is the time to take your supplements regularly and be sure you eating well too. My husband and I take this one and my kids take this. Salmon, eggs and tuna are high in vitamin D too smoked salmon is a regular in our breakfast rotation. And I know many of us think of winter food as comfort casseroles but there is no way I can eat like that for months on end! I stock up on my favorite immune boosting aromatics that I use regularly in winter: ginger, garlic, turmeric, onions, bone broth etc. It’s a great time to try out new recipes be they comforting soups or spicy curries! And while I used to associate smoothies with summer, I’ve had to reframe that myself as it’s a good way to get my greens in not to mention protein and collagen. And winter salads that are basically beets and citrus with a bit of arugula versus a Cobb or Caesar helps me get my iron and Vitamin C in too!
Explore: at some point, the tedium of winter gets to all of us. And one thing people told us when we moved here was “do get away somewhere warm each winter to see the sun”. Well, that just isn’t always feasible for a family of 5! When the kids were little, my dad did a great job of organizing Disney vacations and Feb/March was a fabulous time to go…and many years spring break in ATL to visit family was a great time to experience the warmth of an early spring. But some years spring break (late March) seems too far away so we’ve learned to just implement whimsy into winter life!
Whether it’s a spontaneous ski day, hosting family up here (so thankful to my mom for coming for a long Feb weekend for years as it was something to look forward to) or meeting up a friend in another city (my husband and I take turns meeting up friends elsewhere) not to mention work travel (bonus points when it’s somewhere warm!), helps. But also locally, it’s a great time to check out museums (we thankfully live near a university town where many are free) or head further afield to a bigger city. Again, the goal is just something out of the norm. At some point I need to see something green and living and that’s where my local Botanical Gardens are essential: they are free and a day that we can be in short sleeves and wander around in the warmth looking at orchids, bromeliads and succulents is very life giving to us all!
When my kids were little (think under age 6) and any sort of outing required a ridiculous amount of planning/effort, we did a lot of fun indoor whimsy: indoor camping, pillow forts, ‘just because’ parties (none of my kids have winter birthdays so this was a fun excuse to celebrate someone ‘just because’). I’d stock up on Target dollar spot crafts to get out during this time and I appreciate my mother-in-law making so many fun early learning games for us to use during long winter days!
As the kids have gotten older, we make a ‘Winter-Fun’ bucket list of sorts because winter now flies by faster than it used to. I look ahead to see if there are any special exhibits at local museums to be sure to catch, fun restaurants to try, library events to be sure to make (our local ones are SO good at creating options for kids at all time but especially winter) and youth group retreats, etc. More often now, our winter bucket list is as long, or longer, than our summer one!
Bring winter IN for decor: While I do like to put away Christmas-themed décor after the holidays end, I keep up winter-themed décor for another month or so. Having neutral blankets, candles or throw pillows make such a difference! I also love having winter berries or evergreens as decoration before the spring flowers trickle in. Usually that changes by end of February but “winter” décor is a thing to embrace and not to resist. Otherwise, your house either looks very out of step with the season ori is super bare (and as it’s so bare outside, why make it more minimalist in the winter?). I’ve learned to wait until late spring for full-on decluttering, spring cleaning. For now, bring on the candles and cozy throws!
Also, know that your entryways will look cluttered-this was also hard for me to get used to, even with a mudroom! First of all, the Pinterest mudrooms are not real mudrooms. For a family of five, it often looks a little wild but again, I’ve learned that this means it’s well loved and USED. I have a boot tray there for wet/snowy/muddy boots and a nicer looking boot tray in the entryway. I love them so much and actually now wonder how anyone (even in the south where winter is often wet) can be without them! And don’t think of them as just for boots: wet gloves, hats, etc often end up there as well!
Try something new: I thrive on novelty, so I like to look for something new to do in this season where the outside resembles a bit of a Groundhog Day movie. One year I signed up the kids for ice skating lessons with another friend and we have many fun memories of that (and 2 of my kids continued it for another year), one year I did Zumba, this year I started a Pilates reformer class after wanting to do it for years and that’s been a fun class to look forward to on a dark winter morning, etc. It doesn’t have to be an out of the house activity: one friend always does a Coursera each winter, another uses it to tackle some DIY projects. It’s whatever works for you but again, do something new that works your body and/or brain!
Community: We live far from family so for years we worked hard to cultivate a strong network of friends to do life with! When the kids were babies, that looked like hosting playgroup, starting a small group then when they were older; we also had a season that we would monthly host young adults (20s/30s) from our church and this led to lovely relationships with people that weren’t in our age/stage but have since become dear friends!
When my kids were quite little, I utilized babysitters for my work time and those college girls also became very near and dear to us! Many of them were also far from home and I’d often invite them to stay for dinner. So many sweet relationships came out of that-to the point that my daughter was the flower girl in one of their weddings!
I will also say a few things about friendships: as I can bond with a Latina in a way that I cannot with others, I can also bond with a southerner in a way that I cannot with a northerner only because we share a lot of the same ‘pain points’ around winter! And even spring. Easter and Mother’s Day are particularly hard for us because years of growing up with outdoor egg hunts, sweet spring dresses, sandals, outdoor brunches and such mean that rainy cold spring holidays hit different! And that’s okay! But it is truly a mental adjustment and letting go of expectations. You need to have people that you can lament this and not be told to just get over it or shrugged off that you are even grieving what traditions used to be normal to you.
Alternatively, I also used to feel guilty complaining to friends who were from the Midwest, because I didn’t want to seem uncharitable to talking negatively about where they were from. However, sometimes they feel the same! I remember one time being apologetic to the moms in my playgroup about always complaining about the cold one year and a sweet mom friend (born and raised in MI) said to me, Natalie, it’s okay, just because we are used to the cold doesn’t mean we always like it. That was so freeing for me to hear! And sometimes my venting about it opened up a chance for them to vent as well! Solidarity comes in all forms.
All that to say, now that the kids are older, all that relational work has come to bear much fruit in terms of friendships for me, but also for my husband and children as well! Life in community makes SUCH a difference!
I didn’t mean for this to get so long but clearly 12 years of northern winters means I have a lot to say about this subject. I’ll leave you with a few introspective thoughts (you can skip if this isn’t your cup of tea but seasonal living is very important to me as it often interweaves itself with liturgical living too).
After a few years of resisting winter, I started to lean into it (it was coming whether I wanted it to or not) and I began to ask myself some questions that I would muse over with my husband, journal or with others. Feel free to try any of these should they resonate with you as well:
What are my hopes for this winter?
What does my discomfort about the dark and the cold reveal to me?
What does the winter ‘lay bare’ for me? Are there things I’ve been covering up that I need to address or confront?
How does focusing only on my comfort affect those around me?
How can I bless others who struggle in this season as well? (We do blessing bags each fall to have those in the car to pass out when we see who seem to be without a home)
How can I open up my home to others in this season?
What do boundaries look like in this season? What do I need to say ‘no’ to in order to focus on making it to the other end of this season mentally and physically whole?
What are some spring or summer activities/trips that I can look forward to? (Getting a garden ready, researching trips to take with friends or family, etc.)
What beauty do I see in winter?
How can I find time in nature to refresh my soul? Given where you are that can look like forest walks, dune climbs, beachside strolls or a local city park.
I am happy to share more if you are interested. I hope that this encourages you, stretches you a bit to become more winter-positive, and helps you experience this season in a fresh new way!
